


i can't handle change

by boiledfeetbeta



Series: Komahina Stuff [10]
Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Emotional Baggage, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Memory Loss, Mother-Son Relationship, One Shot, Pet Names, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovered Memories, Self-Hatred, Suffering Komaeda Nagito, Suicidal Thoughts, hinata is a good boyfriend, the scene with nagito and his mom broke my heart to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28662084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boiledfeetbeta/pseuds/boiledfeetbeta
Summary: Did Hajime really love him? He certainly said so, and Nagito wanted to believe him. Hajime chuckled as he washed the shampoo out of Nagito’s unruly hair, shielding his eyes with his hand.“I think I would die of a broken heart if anything ever happened to you, Hinata-kun.”***In which Komaeda laments on the memories he's lost, and Hinata helps him through a depressive episode.song: I Can't Handle Change - Roar
Relationships: Hinata Hajime & Komaeda Nagito, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Series: Komahina Stuff [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2194500
Comments: 5
Kudos: 127





	i can't handle change

Hajime hadn’t seen Nagito in almost a week. Most of the time, he tried not to bother—Nagito’s personal habits were none of his business. But if he was depressed, which he likely was, Hajime couldn’t just leave him alone. Plus, he had practically taken on the role of Nagito’s caretaker for the time being.

He knocked at Nagito’s cottage door. No answer.

“Komaeda-kun?” He asked. “I’m going to come in.”

He heard nothing in response, and since he was starting to get worried, Hajime pushed open the door and stepped inside. The floor was barely visible with the amount of garbage and clothes covering it. Nagito’s figure was lying in bed, covered by a hefty number of sheets.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” He poked the sleeping boy. He groaned. “It’s time to get up.”

“Hinata-kun…?” He heard. Nagito’s voice was scratchy from disuse. “You-- sorry.”

“Get up, we’re going somewhere today.”

“I don’t want to.” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“Too bad. I can’t let you be all depressed now, can I?”

“…”

“Have you been taking your meds?”

No answer, again.

Hajime sat down next to him. He looked exhausted, and Hajime doubted he spent much of his alone time actually sleeping. His hair was knotted, dark circles formed under his eyes.

“Why did you let me live?”

He knew Nagito had manic depression. It was one of many illnesses on his medical record, and with all of Izuru’s knowledge, he should be able to combat it. But the words still hurt.

“Because you deserve it. You deserve a second chance, Komaeda.”

“I wish I never woke up.” He whispered, voice cracking. He hugged his knees to his chest. “I wish I were dead.”

“Please, don’t say things like that.” Hajime stroked his hair. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if that happened.”

“Stop…” The words clawed their way out of his throat. “Stop being kind, I don’t understand…”

“I will never let you die.”

Nagito wrapped his arms around the other boy’s waist, pulling his head into his lap. Hajime chuckled, petting his hair.

“You hate me…”

“I’ve never hated you.”

“You should hate me. I ruined your life.”

“I don’t, though. Sorry, but I’m not giving up on you that easily.”

“You’re so stubborn…” Nagito felt tears welling up in his eyes. “I don’t get it.”

“I’ll add ‘stubborn’ to the list of things you’ve called me, then. For now, let’s focus on cleaning you up.”

***

Nagito was embarrassed. Embarrassed that he had to be taken care of, like he was a child. He’s an adult, and he should act like one. But Hajime never blamed him, never made fun of his incompetence. He wanted to help.

Hajime pulled him out of bed, their hands intertwined as they walked to the bathroom. Nagito didn’t want to let go, but he did for Hajime’s sake.

“When’s the last time you took these?” The brunet asked, opening his medicine cabinet and pulling out the neglected orange pill bottles. They rattled, filling Nagito’s head with guilt.

“I don’t remember.” He mumbled. “Sorry…”

“No more apologies, Komaeda. We’re going to get through this, remember?”

Truthfully, there were many things Komaeda didn’t remember. Memories came to him all at once, in floods. He watched them like they were reruns of old television shows that he only had some attachment to. He remembered a tall, mysterious man with dark hair and red eyes. He knew that man was his Hinata-kun, or possibly the other way around, but the pieces just didn’t fit. And the man was not kind like Hajime was.

He remembered a tight metal collar and chain, and the whore that would pull on it when he misbehaved. He knew that when she was in one of the memories, he would spiral into a manic state and hole up in his room. But she was dead, and he didn’t have to worry about her.

Except, he remembered her cold, dead hand stitched to his. The pain was agonizing, blood spilled over his shoes. The warm red liquid splattered on his face. His mouth tasted like blood.

Not all the memories were bad, though. Some were bittersweet, others just joyful. He remembered his mother’s gentle voice as she rocked him to sleep. He remembered his dog’s playful yips as he chased him around their yard. He remembered the scent of his father’s black coffee on Sunday mornings.

And, of course, he remembered his Hinata-kun. His prince charming, his knight in shining armor. Hajime Hinata was his savior, always extending a hand when he was in trouble. His head was constantly swarming with _Hajime, Hajime, Hajime._ Hajime shirtless on the beach. Hajime smiling over him as he awoke from the program. Hajime’s shiny eyes as he explained to Nagito how his necrotic hand would work. Hajime in a lab coat, playing with science equipment. Hajime in a suit, dancing with him on the beach. Hajime’s sparkling smile and tan skin, his faint freckles and once-green eyes.

“Hey, earth to Komaeda.” Hajime chuckled. “I said to undress, you’re going to take a bath now.”

Nagito looked up at him with adoring eyes. He would do whatever Hajime asked of him, no matter the cost. All he wanted was for his Hinata-kun to be happy. But still…

“Are you sure you want to see something like that? It might just ruin your day, Hinata-kun—”

“I’ve seen you plenty of times, and I still think you’re lovely.” Hinata rubbed his cheek. “You’re my boyfriend, remember?”

Oh, yes. He had forgotten such a crucial piece of evidence, like the idiot he was. Hajime was dating him. Not just for sexual pleasure, or for show. Hajime even said he _loved_ him. It was almost too much for him to deal with. Hajime never forced him, never demanded anything. It was heaven. Yet Nagito had still forgotten, curse his lousy, decaying brain.

“Sorry, Hinata-kun, I forgot again. Please feel free to use me to release your anger.”

“No, darling, I’m not going to do that.” Hajime kissed his cheek. “It’s okay, that’s why I’m here to remind you.”

“So you’re fine with my body?” He flinched at his own words. “Even with all the… scars?”

“Of course. You’re pretty no matter what.”

Nagito sighed, realizing it was futile to argue. Within all of those talents, there had to be an Ultimate Lawyer, if Hajime wasn’t one himself. Did Hajime have a talent? He couldn’t quite place it, but for once it didn’t matter.

It really, truly didn’t matter.

***

It wasn’t uncomfortable when Hajime bathed him—in fact, it was the opposite. He was secretly thankful for being treated like a toddler, because in these moments, he could almost imagine his mother.

She was the loveliest woman he had ever seen, with golden-brown hair and big grey eyes. She pressed the softest of kisses onto his head, just like Hajime. Her lips were always pink and left a lipstick stain on Nagito’s forehead. Her laugh was like a melody, her voice an orchestra. His heart ached when he thought of her. When she had died, he cradled himself in her motionless arms and sung himself to sleep. He never wanted to let go of her corpse, no matter how it began to decay.

He saw her once, in a dream. Back when he was caught between life and death, she had come to him. That was the first time he had cried in a while.

_“Oh, darling, look at you! My little boy, all grown up. You’ve become such a handsome young man.”_

_“Mother…” He whispered. She cradled him in her arms, and he felt seven again._

_“I miss you, mommy…” He choked, voice breaking._

_“Daddy and I miss you, too. And your puppy.” She kissed his forehead. “But you can’t leave, not yet. You have that boy waiting for you on the other side, and he’s quite persistent. He loves you, honey.”_

_“That’s not true…”_

_“It is. That’s a good one you’ve got there, my love. Keep him around, will you?”_

_“When will I see you guys again?”_

_She let out that melodic laugh of hers._

_“When the time comes. Don’t give up—we love you. And so does he.”_

Did Hajime really love him? He certainly said so, and Nagito wanted to believe him. Hajime chuckled as he washed the shampoo out of Nagito’s unruly hair, shielding his eyes with his hand.

“I think I would die of a broken heart if anything ever happened to you, Hinata-kun.”

“I told you, you can call me Hajime. And nothing’s going to happen to me.” He kissed Nagito on his knuckles. “I love you.” He added.

“I…”

“You don’t have to say it back.” Hajime would never push him, but he wanted to say it.

“I…” What if something bad happened to Hajime? No, nothing would ever happen to his Hajime. He would never allow it. Hajime pulled him close, not caring that his button-up would get wet. If all the horrible luck he had experienced in his miserable life led him to this…

He would accept it.

“I love you, Hajime-kun.”

**Author's Note:**

> ty for reading!!! requests for these two are always open in comments


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